tensions

It has been a long time since I posted anything, and I think to myself 'so much for once a week!'

At present I am experiencing the world dropping away from beneath my feet. All the excitement cultivated and indulged only weeks ago is spent. All is undermined as I shed my future plans, as I shake off their motivations and scrutinise the new. I changed my mind and now I'm no longer sure of the ground I'm standing on. I'm all at sea with the waves of atheism, existentialism, nihilism washing over the bows. I have a longing to be grounded again, rooted in the soil and the wet english weather, in the speed of dance, the moving of muscles and the rasp of breath. Yet, I have a longing to take theses theories, these intellectual abstractions and forge the illusion of transcendence. To fly with them to such heights, to push the mind to such limits, that I may taste knowledge.

Is there anyway to encorporate these two into the same life?