Repentance in progress

A young man rises from his seat, a message on his lips.

‘Ladies and gentlemen of the bus’ he begins ‘I want to tell you about Jesus Christ’

Two boys in front of me snigger as he stands in the aisle.

I want to encourage him, to let him know I’m listening. I want to raise my hand and bless him. But I don’t. I sit still, appreciating his courage, listening to his message, welcoming his expression of faith.

He tells us of how he often used to go to nightclubs, to drink and sleep around, until he found Jesus. Then, he repented and changed his ways. ‘It’s easy,’ he says, ‘all you need to do is repent.’

At the next stop he gets of the bus and makes his way along the pavement. He is calm, ordinary looking and unruffled by his recent ministry.

I spend the rest of my journey thinking about repentance. Is it really that easy to repent? What does it even mean to repent? Is being sorry enough?

I am reminded of a habit my Dad has of detecting a superficial apology within me. I may have been mean to him, so I apologise. ‘I’m sorry,’ I say, to which he replies ‘no you’re not.’ I always protest against his claim. But now I realise that my ways don’t change, my apology is not reflected in my actions, and when he tells me I am not in earnest he is merely pointing out this fact.

As a Quaker brought up in Britain Yearly Meeting, I am not clear what my understanding of sin is. I am realising, however, that often simply being sorry for the past is not enough, that show of humility must be reflected in the actions of the future. For the young preacher on the bus repentance may be easy, for me it is a work in progress.